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Zen Teachings

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Zen Teachings

  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.
  • Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
  • No one is listening to you until you fart.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  • Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
  • Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... Then things just keep getting worse.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Ka-el, darktooth and The Emperor like this

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